“The Friend Zone”

A Light-Hearted Look at the “Friend Zone”

Hello, everyone! First off, I’d like it apologize for not having blogged in (Geeze, how long HAS it been?) forever. I haven’t had much inspiration as of late. That being said, welcome back, I’m glad to be back! Now, let’s get to it, shall we?

Today ‘Im going to be diving in to an aspect of dating (Yep, dating) that many of us know as the “Friend Zone”. I know many of you who are reading probably get chills down your spine just from hearing that statement. For those of you who don’t know what the “Friend Zone” is, here’s an Urbandictionary.com definition for it (I know, I never thought I’d find a use for the urban dictionary in this blog either…)!

What is quite possibly one of the worst places a guy could ever be in if you like someone. It doesn’t matter the situation, once you’re in, you feel like you’re in a cage.

It consists of a multitude of possible emotions that you will succumb to. Mostly jealousy, defeat, hopelessness and a strange sense of knowing that your aspirations are an impossibility. You’ll constantly know that the person you like will not like you in the same way. But for some reason, you’re still friends with her. You feel like you can get her back, but it’s not gonna happen.

And it’s worse when they tell you about their significant other/crush/boyfriend. You might see them walk further away from you every day. You become a cushion, having to watch them with the person they THINK is perfect for them. But deep down, you know it’s not true. But they think they are, and you have to acknowledge it as a reality.(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The+friend+zone – Definition 3).

While rather lengthy, this definition pretty much sums up what the “Friend Zone” is all about. A guy (or girl) likes someone and is kept in this zone because they are “Too good of friends to be dating”. I have some personal experience with this, and that is one of the main reasons I’m writing this blog (For those of you who know me well enough to know who I’m talking about, I’m not bashing them nor am I complaining, just sharing my experiences). I know firsthand how much being in this zone can stink, but I’ve got some helpful advice for all of you who are being kept in the “Friend Zone” right now and for those of you who may be keeping someone in the “Friend Zone”. While it may not fix it for you, this advice may help you accept your situation more. It certainly did for me.

For those of you who are in the “Friend Zone”…
1. Don’t Push the Other Person.
While this one may seem obvious, we tend to do this a lot without even realizing it. What I mean by that is this: When you’re put in the “Friend Zone”, do not pressure your crush to pursue a relationship with you. For instance, your crush tells you that she/he doesn’t want to damage your friendship. Do your best to not ask too many questions as to why, don’t flirt with them (As hard as it can be) and DO NOT get mad at them. After all, it’s not just YOUR choice to be in a relationship with someone. Doing any of these things can easily cause the friendship to fall apart, then not only do you not have a date, you lost a friend as well. You tell me, which is worse?
My Advice?
Stay cool, calm, and collected. When your crush tells you the bad news, lay off. A simple “It’s cool, don’t worry about it” will do. If you’re a guy with a crush, she’s probably not too happy to tell you and she probably feels sorry about it. You getting on her about it is only going to make matters worse. Don’t bring it up again, as hard as it can be.

2. Don’t Go Telling Every Last Person About It.
Admit it. If you’ve ever been in the “Friend Zone” you’ve probably done this. I know I have. Here’s what it leads to: People get mad, feelings get hurt, and friendships are damaged a lot of the time. Why? Word gets around. Fast. If you go and tell 3 people about it, then they each tell 2 other people, then the people they told tell 2 other people, and so on and so on, that’s a LOT of people that know. The danger in that lies here: Words are easily miss-interpreted. Have you ever played the telephone game? If you have, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. When a story is re-told that many times, things can get way out of whack way fast, and when (Not if, when) it reaches your crush, they could take it a very bad way. Again, you’re left with no date and no friend. And let me trll you, that’s no fun.
My Advice?
Tell a select few people about it that you trust will not tell anyone. It’s good to vent your emotions, but be careful who you entrust your words to.

3. Remain Friends!
If it’s your crushes wish for you to be in the “Friend Zone”, stay friends with them. If you actually like them, you’ll want them to be happy whether you’re with them or not, right?
My Advice?
Stay good friends with them for a few reasons: You never know what could happen in the future. Things can change, no? I know a few people who ended up marrying the very person that put them in the “Friend Zone”! On the same note, don’t expect things to change. They may not. Be happy with the friendship you have. If you can’t do that, you probably shouldn’t be dating them anyway, because the very basis of dating SHOULD be a strong friendship.

So there’s my advice for the people who are IN the “Friend Zone”. If you have anything to add, feel absolutely free to comment and add to this blog! I’d appreciate it!

Now, for those of you who have people in your “Friend Zone”…

1.Don’t Send Mixed Messages
This one is more for the girls out there. Guys are easily confused. If you have one of us in your “Friend Zone” and you’re sending us mixed messages (Flirting with us, etc,) we’re going to get false hope and get confused, and confusion is never good in these situations.
My Advice?
Refrain from any flirtation. You’re the one who put them in the “Friend Zone” (I’m not saying its a bad thing), so try to respect the fact that they’re in there and try to make their time easier.

2. Be Open To Them and Don’t Avoid Them
Completely closing yourself off from them is not going to help at all. If anything, it’s going to make them feel worse, and the friendship you were trying to preserve may disappear as a result.
My Advice?
Obviously, be friendly with them. Joke around, be yourself, and do all the friend-y stuff that you’d normally do with them. This will help soften the blow immensely.

3.Respect Their Initial Emotional Turmoil
They’re probably going to end up pulling away from you a little bit for a little while because it’s just plain awkward to be around you at first, or they can’t take seeing you at first. Respect that, and let it be.
My Advice?
If they want it, let them have their space. They will come back to you eventually, once they’ve got everything figured out.

And their’s my ten cents for those of us who may have someone in your “Friend Zone”. Again, comment if you have anything to add!

Overall, be respectful of the opposing party, whether you’re in or out of the zone. Understand how much it stinks for the person who is, and understand how hard it might have been for the person to turn you down if you’re the one who’s in it. Understand that at adolescence hormones are through the roof and physical attraction happens, don’t outcast someone for that. All in all, try to keep the friendship alive whether you’re in or out of the “Friend Zone”. You never know what could happen. Thanks for reading and God bless!

-Alec Lancaster

So Say Goodbye

About two months ago, I said one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever had to say. My cousin, Airman Thomas Michael Cole II, left for Japan in the early hours of the morning on Sunday, March 25th. He’ll be there for 3 years for the US Navy and I probably won’t see him until after then. Mickey (Thats what we call him) is one of if not the greatest men/man I’ve ever met. He’s giving, loving to no end, and has an absolutely unbreakable soul. I wish I could say that I have the same. As I’m sitting here writing this, I think of the other times I’ve had to say goodbye to someone I cared about. My youth pastor and great friend, Jeff, my ex girlfriend, my grandfather, and all the numerous times I’ve left for a long trip or missed someone in any way, and man, it’s never been as bad as that. I didn’t cry when my grandpa died (I was very young at the time), I didn’t cry when my girlfriend broke up with me, and I didn’t cry on any of the other occasions I mentioned, but I am not afraid to admit that I cried numerous times when Mickey left for Japan. I won’t lie, it sucked. As long as I can remember, Mickey’s been pretty close to me as far as distance goes. Now he’s somewhere in Japan with no cell phone signal (Thank God for Facebook!). He’s doing what he wants and loves, though, and I couldn’t be more proud of him (Mick, if you’re reading this, I hope all is well in Japan!)

I’m sure those of you that have had a similar experience know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that it’s hard to say goodbye to a loved one for a long time. But we do it. Three years isn’t too long a time but it isn’t too short either. This is where today’s topic comes into play. Military families have to say goodbye to loved ones all the time. I know many people who are in the military or who have a family member in the military, and it’s hard for them to have to leave each other for those long times, but they do it because they feel the call to serve the country and do many of the things normal civilians wouldn’t have the heart to do. While it may be hard, we stick it out because we love them and we feel that what they are doing is significant (Because, well, it is!). I tell you what, I can’t wait to see Mickey again, but I’m glad he’s off doing what he wants to be doing. Again, I’m sure those of you who know what I’m talking about feel the same way.

Jesus calls us as Christians to do something similar. In the book of Matthew, a wealthy man approaches Jesus and asks him, “Teacher, what good things must I do to get eternal life?” To which Jesus replies with a word or two on how God is the only One who is truly good and He explains the commandments that this man must follow. However, the man believes he is still lacking in something. “All these I have kept,” he said, “What do I still lack?” To which Jesus answers,

“If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me”. The Bible says that when Jesus said this, the man was very sad and walked away because he was so wealthy(Matthew 19: 16-22).

Jesus, in this passage, calls us to “Sell [our] possessions and give to the poor”, and then “Come follow me”. In His time, when Jesus said “Come follow me”, he meant “Come follow me”. He wanted you to literally sell everything you owned, give it away, and follow Him on his mission. This is similar to what the men and women of our military do on a daily basis. To follow this command of Jesus’, we must go with blind faith that God will provide for us and care for us. Who, if I may ask, really does that better than someone in our military? While, yes, non-Christians certainly exist in our military, those who are devout believers know that every second they are away from their families, God is protecting them and caring for them. If that means that He wants them to come home to Heaven, then, in their minds, so be it.

We, as Christians, are called to follow Jesus every day in every way we can. That could mean staying local to your family and doing what He wants there, or it could mean shipping out to Africa to rebuild homes and spread His word there. You never know unless you talk with Him (For more on this, look at the post below by Neal: Humans and God, Part 2: Communication Issues). Here’s the hard part: Saying goodbye. Whatever God calls you to do, there will be sacrifice in some form or another. Whether it’s a physical saying goodbye to someone you love or a mental saying goodbye to a habit or a belonging. So talk to God, ask HIM what he wants YOU to do and do it. Go and follow Him, wherever he leads you. After all, he’s the creator of the universe, who are we to question what He wants?

As always, thanks for reading. May we go and follow God in whatever and to wherever he calls us.

God bless,

Alec Lancaster

Questions? Comments? Start a conversation in the comments! You know you want to.

With Wills Like SEALS

A couple days ago I saw the movie “Act of Valor”, a movie about the Navy SEALS’ counter terrorist operation that took place all over the world, but would have ultimately ended in 16 high explosives going off in key cities in the US, ultimately causing the economic collapse of the US had the SEALS not stopped it. Yes, this happened. And not too long ago, either. Had it not been for the SEALS, who knows where we’d be right now. It was a phenomenal movie, and highly suggest anyone with moderate interest in the military go see it.

I am also currently reading a book called “Lone Survivor” by Marcus Luttrell, a (I believe former) Navy SEAL who was sent on a mission to take out a high value target in Afghanistan, and after less than 24 hours of Operation Red Wing (That was the name of the op) being called a “go”, he was the only remaining member of his team of 4 Navy SEALS, all of whom were his best friends. He had to survive in Afghanistan while more than 150 of al Qaeda’s soldiers were attempting to find and kill him. Amazingly, he survived and is still here today. His book is among the best I’ve ever read.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, I’ve been devoting a lot of my time to military things, especially SEAL stuff, so I’ve been thinking a lot about it. If you know me well, you know that if I start talking about the military, I basically can’t stop, which is why I’m going to start a series with this blog relating the will power and force of the American military to that of how we should act as “God’s Soldiers”. So let’s get into it, shall we?

In today’s post we’ll be focusing on the unbreakable will-power shared in one of our nation’s most elite forces, the Navy SEALS. Let’s start with their training. SEAL training is among the toughest military training in the world. I’ll explain the process for you: First, the SEALS have boot camp, or basic military training. After this, someone wanting to become a SEAL goes to a new training base to start Indoctrination, or Indoc, as it is commonly referred to among recruits. Indoctrination is the training for the SEAL training. Yeah, you heard that correctly. Pre-training training. It lasts about two weeks and is extremely though and taxing on the body and mind. Allow me to walk you through a normal day at Indoc…

Wake up at 0550 (5:50 AM)
Go to the showers to get blasted by freezing jets of water to start the day.
Run a mile to the chow hall to get breakfast.
Run another mile back to the training grounds.
Do an Un-Godly amount of pushups, flutter kicks, and sit ups, according to how many your instructor tells you to and how mad he is at your class on that particular day.
Run. A lot. On average, a class at Indoc will run 8 miles a day (Not including the mile run to and from the chow hall for every meal).
Do whatever training phase your class is in at the time (Firearms, swim, obstacle courses, in class work, etc.)
Go to bed anywhere from 1100 to 0100 (Again, depending on how mad your instructor is at you that day.)
During these days, at any time, your class can and most certainly will be told to “Hit the surf” or “Get wet and sandy”. This involves running like the world is about to end to the beach, taking a dip in the near freezing water, rolling around in the sand until your skin chafes and becomes itchy all over, and running like the world is going to end back to your instructor.
Also, during these days, if your rooms are not perfectly spotless, no matter the reason (that includes having an instructor come into your room and dump sand all over while you are cleaning and ask you why you’re living in a sand pit), instructors will tell you to hit the surf or “Push ’em out” (AKA do pushups) and then send you back to your rooms to clean, no matter the time of the night.

So that’s Indoc. Typically a class will start with about 200 students and end up with 150 or less by the end of it because of drop outs. After a few weeks of Indoc comes BUD/S. BUD/S stands for Basic Underwater Demolition/SEALS. Those who survived Indoc get the great honor of a new instructor, new dorms, and a new regime for training. Much like Indoc, you run a lot, do a lot of pushups, etc, etc, etc, only now it’s about 10 times as hard and as opposed to a couple of weeks, BUD/S is 6 months. Recruits are pushed past their mental and physical limits on a daily, excuse me, hourly basis and are always being reminded that if one person fails, the whole team is punished. Only a select few people out of the 200 people who signed up make it through BUD/S, and it is a great honor.

So, why did I tell you about all of this? I for one know that I could never make it through Indoc, let alone BUD/S, and I’m sure many of you feel the same way. When I first learned about SEAL trading, I thought, “Why in the world would anyone subject themselves to such misery?”, and now I have a small understanding of why they do. These soldiers have inside of them a few things.
A. They feel that they are meant to follow the call of the SEALS and would do anything to get there.
B. Their willpower is stronger than just about any other person you’ll know. They would rather die than give up on something.
C. An undying faith that they will get through whatever task, problem, or situation they face, and they will come out on top. Every time.
These, along with many other things, cause the SEALS to have a mental inability to give up, and their job absolutely requires that. A single failure or lack of detail could cause the death of a squad mate, so they do everything within their power to make sure that something like that does not happen. Ever. I have the utmost respect for every single person in the US military, because I know for a fact that many of the things they do are things I could not.

But what does God want for us? What is it that we need to answer His great call and to carry out the things he has given us the responsibility to do? I would wager that one of the answers is this: The will and faith of a SEAL. I’ve explained to you what that looks like above in a military mindset, but think about how much of God’s work could be done if we, as Christians, acted like Navy SEALS. Like… Well, like God’s soldiers! What if we persevered through every situation, every one of God’s calls, and sought to crush evil at every turn? I believe that this is what God calls us to do. God wants us on the front lines, fighting for him. If we would take up our arms and shower the world with God’s love, think of the works we could accomplish.

Remember, we don’t need to do it alone. The SEALS operate as a hive mind, as one body, to accomplish every task. Sound familiar? To me, this sounds like how we as Christians should act. God calls us to be one body. United, not separable, and unbreakable, With wills and faith like the SEALS.

Think about this over the next few minutes, hours, days, however long you see fit. Really evaluate yourself. Are you living up to this standard? I know that much of the time I am guilty for not living up to this standard. I’ll admit, it’s a big and scary task, but we have an even bigger God to help us get there, so why not go for it? Let’s all make a commitment to try to live like this. As God’s Soldiers. My prayer for everyone, myself included, is that we don’t just try. We do. That we would have faith and wills like SEALS. Let’s do it. Hoorah (I forgot to mention, they say that a lot. It’s never “Right away, sir!”! Or “Of course!”. It’s always HOORAH! Just a fun fact.) As always, thanks for reading, I’ll see you next time.

Alec Lancaster

Humans and God Part 1: Failure

A couple weeks ago, my school choir held auditions for solos in our upcoming concert (this was the week of Thanksgiving break and we had classes Monday and Tuesday). However, after spewing up my breakfast 1st hour, I was sent home by the nurse. Now, this made me quite despondent as a result because there was this one song that I REALLY wanted a solo for (the song is True Light in case anyone wanted to know, it’s incredible! Look it up on YouTube)! Anyway, I was pretty ticked. I asked my friend to relay a message to the director to see if I could audition after Thanksgiving break. Luckily, my director being the awesome guy he is, said sure!

So skip ahead a week! I’m sitting in choir and at the beginning of rehearsal my director stands and says, “I’m sorry I couldn’t post the solo list on Friday, y’all!” For some reason he likes that word. He was born and raised in the burbs, so your guess is as good as mine as to how “ya’ll” slipped into his vocabulary. He continued, “I would’ve posted it last Tuesday but someone was a little bit selfish and just HAD to be sick and still demand an audition.” Everyone looked at me…. Awkward silence soon ensued…. My director then finished, “So, Neal, wanna come audition now?” Thanks Mr. Koll. So I went down to the piano and started singing. My tone was great, I sounded good, I was belting out some notes, it was better than I expected! But then I got to the last note: the glory note. It was a high G and I sucked in a low deep breath in preparation to belt it out. Then I let it go, and oh man did I butcher it. My voice cracked, it was terrible. I turned bright red and everyone was laughing, I mean I was laughing too, it was funny! Well, long story short, I didn’t get the solo, I was embarrassed, and I had failed. Now I could go into extreme detail about my failures and short comings in life but I think ya’ll have the gist of it and who wants to beat a dead horse? (Is that how that saying goes…?)

As humans we fail everyday. We fail our loved ones, our bosses, our teachers, our friends, ourselves, and most everything else. For example, in baseball, you’re considered an above average hitter if you fail 7 out of 10 times. Humans are designed for failure, and as a Christian, this is extremely convicting. We are a fallen people, yes, yet God still accepts us, loves us, and calls us his children (a title that we are all absolutely underserving of). Where am I going with this? Martin Luther, a leader of the Protestant Reformation who’s ideas became the foundation for the Lutheran Church, dedicated himself to monastic life, devoting himself to fasting, long hours in prayer, pilgrimage, and frequent confession all as a result of his feeling of unworthiness in God’s eyes. Multiple times a day, for hours on end Luther would go to confession because his mind was living in constant sin and he was repeatedly failing God over and over again. I see myself exemplified in Luther constantly. I continue to fail God again and again, and sometimes I begin to fear that God will stop forgiving me or that he will forsake me because I have strayed too far away from Him. On some occasions, I even find myself too embarrassed to return to God! In case any of you were wondering, this is NOT how it is supposed to be. As long as we return to God and repent, we are forgiven. We all fail, and none of us deserve God’s love, but what’s important to realize is that God loves us anyway and he desires a relationship with us, no matter how often we fail him.

So brothers and sisters in Christ, I implore you to chase after God with a passion never seen before. The devil will knock you down, but God will be right there to pick you back up. Rely on and live for Him, and you will live a life that honors your Father in Heaven and reveals His love to those around you.

God bless,

Neal Overbay

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“I’m With The Band”

“I’m With The Band”

At Fuse (The youth group I attend), I played bass guitar for the first time a few weeks ago. I’ve been on Crave for about 2 years now, but most of what I’ve done with them has been audio and video tech. Not much of any on-stage worship leading. Until maybe 9 months ago, I didn’t even know how to play guitar, but my youth minister, Ben, started teaching me. As I became better and better, Ben decided that it was time that I play acoustic guitar with the band. Being that it was my first time on stage, I was not plugged in to the sound board. It was a learning experience. Up until this point, I’d never even been on the stage for any reason but to put tape over wires or turn the amps on. I guess that you could say that that was when I really became a part of the band. I would disagree, however. Yes, I WAS on stage, but nothing I did with my instrument could further the band’s music (Or harm it, and that was the point). I’m not saying that to undermine the importance of being unplugged on stage for your first couple of times, because by doing that, I became a lot better.
A little while later, Ben started to teach me bass guitar so that I’d be ready for it when it became time to play for the nights that we having student lead Craves (Crave being the worship band for Fuse). I picked up the new instrument fairly easily and within about a month, was ready to play for Crave. Then the first student lead Crave came around and it was time to rock out. The role of bass guitar is essential in a band, and Ben entrusted me with that role. See, the reason I felt like that night was my first time as a part of the band was because it was the first time I had done something instrumentally essential for them.
You may be wondering where I’m going with all of this. This blog is entitled “I’m With The Band”. Think of the Body of Christ as a band. What do you have to do to be in a band? I can tell you without a doubt that practicing your craft is the most essential way. Without practice as a musician, you simply will not get better. To apply this to the Body of Christ, think of this as reading your Bible or taking part in fixed hour prayer. Next, you gotta show up to practice. You cant just put a few people together and expect them to be able to be able to get a song right without having them practice and work out the kinks amongst themselves. Think of this as going to Bible studies, small groups, or going to Church on Sunday morning. Finally, you have to perform at your concerts and make fans, for what is a band without adoring fans? Think about it for a sec. Take your favorite band and apply that. Whether it’s Daughtry, Skillet, TobyMac, Chris Tomlin, The Beatles, or whoever the case may be, where would they be or have been without fans to buy their music, go to their concerts, and make other fans? When you hear a new band that’s really good, you can’t help but listen to them non stop and tell everyone you know about them. Think of this as going and “Making disciples who make disciples”. While going to church on Sunday morning and those things aren’t what make you a disciple, all three of these aspects are essential in being a functioning part of The Body. As I’m sure you’re starting to see, the Body of Christ really is like a band.

Now, all this being said, Are you “With The Band”? Are you “Making deciples who make disciples”?I can honestly say that so many times I am not. So many times I fool myself into thinking that I’m right up there on stage with those that are, when I’m really just singing along with them in the crowd with my hands up. In my opinion, we cannot be a part of the Body without practice, keeping up with our band members, and making fans.
How many of you wouldn’t consider yourself to be “With the band right now”? I’ll admit that I don’t think I am. I have been focusing on so many other things than God lately, and I’ve been so distracted. This brings me to my next point- God’s unending grace and forgiveness. I may not be focused on God right now as much as I should be, but guess what? I, you, we ALL can go back to God no matter what we have done. No matter where we’ve been lately or even who we’ve been, He will always accept back into his arms. If you, like me, are struggling to focus on God right now, just remember that He is waiting for you with arms wide open for you to run back into them, like the father of the prodigal son. One last thing: If you are struggling to focus on God, I strongly encourage you, pray about it. See what you can be doing to get back in line. Keep your mind open to the things that He has to say, and make an honest attempt to come back to Him. I will be doing the same thing.
As always, I’d like to thank everyone for reading. I hope and pray that you got something out of this blog, and that God will move each and every one of you in new ways, or back to old (but good) ones. Thanks again. Go with Christ,
Alec Lancaster

Welcome To “The Awakening”!

Hello, everyone!

This is Alec Lancaster, and I’d like to be the first to formally welcome you to “The Awakening”‘s new blog. Recently i realized that God wanted me to start up a blog that is for students, by students, so here we are. I’ve given this blog the title “The Awakening” because of the band that I play in, and it is our band name. I say “Our” because it is not going to be just me writing on this blog. My friends, who’s names I will keep a secret until they are ready to post, and I started this band as a totally student lead worship band. For now, the members of the band (plus one other) are going to be posting on this blog weekly with different topics, discussions, and such. The first blog will be posted tomorrow (12.06.11) by myself, check back to see what we’ll be talking about!

God bless,
Alec Lancaster